


Picking Up the Broken Pieces

by Maedelmae



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Broken, Crying, Gintoki is broken, Hijikata tried, M/M, Negative self imaging, Some glue isn't water proof, Suicide, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 13:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7465158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maedelmae/pseuds/Maedelmae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was broken.</p><p>But he hid it well.</p><p>So well, that even he convinced himself that he wasn't broken.</p><p>Until, he started breaking again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Picking Up the Broken Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a terrible person 
> 
> I found this in my note section on my phone that I had written a couple months ago, but it didn't have an ending, so the evil person I am decided that loads of sadness and angst should be in order. 
> 
> Fu fu fu fu fu 
> 
> Enjoy
> 
> While you still can

He was broken.

But he hid it well.

So well, that even he convinced himself that he wasn't broken.

Until, he started breaking again.

~~~~~

Everyone noticed that something was wrong.

They noticed that he was gone more and more.

They noticed that the bags under his eyes grew deeper and deeper.

They noticed his appetite growing less and less.

Everyone noticed, but no one dared say a word.

They were afraid to tip the scale; to break the balance; to cross the line. 

~~~~~

Hijikata couldn't take it. 

He couldn't just stand by as he watched Gintoki slowly destroy himself, like the others. 

He didn't know how he would deal with it. He's never done anything to console somebody else before and he didn't know how to approach the delicate matter. Gintoki was going out drinking with him tonight and he decided to bring it up then. He planned it out, they were gonna have a few drinks and then he was going to ask him if anything was wrong. Perfect. 

He arrived at the outdoor bar under the bridge that Gintoki frequented. Gintoki was already sitting, warm sake in front of him, he was sipping slowly at the dish in his hand. Hijikata sat down next to him, grabbing the bottle and pouring sake in his own dish. They took turns sipping sake silently, when Hijikata broke the silence.  
"I know somethings up, spill it." Gintoki chuckled.  
"You should have already picked it up by now, Mayora."  
"Oi. I'm not fucking around. I'm asking on behalf of everyone. They're worried." Gintoki looked up and sighed.  
"I don't deserve that."  
"What do you mean." Hijikata sat there  confused, what could he mean?  
"I mean, I don't deserve their feelings. I'm not good enough, they could do better without me." Gintoki looked over and smiled a sad smile at Hijikata. "That includes you, Mayora." Hijikata stood up and smacked him.  
"Don't you dare say that one more time Sakata Gintoki, you are above this. I don't want to hear that coming from your mouth." He was fuming. Gintoki looked at the floor. He started to shake, Hijikata couldn't tell why.  
"Gotcha." Gintoki got up and walked away, Hijikata got a brief glance of his face. He couldn't stand it. There were tears. Streaming down his pale, sunken cheeks. His eyes, however, were empty. Almost devoid of motion. His lips in a straight horizontal line. His eyebrows, parallel to his flat eyes.  
Hijikata was tempted to follow, bit he couldn't move, seeing the mans face just drained him.  
He went back home and fell on his futon, feeling helpless. He stared at the ceiling and thought, 'how can I help him?'. He fell asleep before he could come up with an answer. 

The next morning, hijikata woke up feeling like shit. He still had no idea what he was going to do about Gintoki. He lit a cigarette and pressed the filter between his lips as he looked out the window. He got up and put clothes on before walking out the door and into the cloudy day. As chance had it, while making his rounds, he came across the silver-haired samurai. He didn't know what to say.  
"Oi." Hijikata kicked him. Gintoki looked up at him and smiled.  
"I'm not at work today so I won't be going and doing anything for anybody, got it?" He seemed almost disappointed by his own answer as he looked at his feet laying in front of him.  
"Thats bullshit and you know it Gintoki."  
"You're right."  
"Glad you can see at least that." Hijikata chuckled to himself, thinking he was hilarious before realizing who he was talking to. He quickly shut his mouth and looked towards a particularly dark cloud moving closer.  
"Looks like rain." Gintoki said, surprising Hijikata.  
"Alright Christopher Robin." They both laughed.  
"Whats wrong Gintoki? And don't answer nothing like you did last night. I know somethings up."  
"I'm broken."  
"What do you mean?"Hijikata didn't fully understand Gintoki's answer.  
"There's nothing to it. I'm just my broken. I have been for awhile now, I just forgot." Hijikata gave him a weird look.  
"I have seen so many people die, including my friends and family. I'm just so tired of it all." Hijikata couldn't respond. He knew the same feeling, in fact, he had gone through that same period of "brokeness". He knew what it felt like. The slow pain of death eating you from the inside out. A never-ending emptiness that weighed down on ones mind. He hated feeling that way. It finally ended when he had met Gintoki. Meeting Gintoki changed everything for him. He felt like he could finally see in colour again after years of being colour blind. Gintoki had saved him, now the question was, how ease he going to save Gintoki.  
"You've been silent for awhile mayora. Something the matter?"  
"Just thinking of a response to what you just told me."  
"You don't need to have a response, it isn't necessary."  
"I think it is because I was feeling the same thing not too long ago."  
"No surprise there, we've been through a lot of the same experiences, sadly."  
"I'm just gonna have to get some glue."  
"Glue? Why?" Gintoki was completely and utterly confused.  
"To glue you back together again." He said it as if it was that simple and walked away. 

~~~~~

Later that week gintoki went missing.

~~~~~

A month later, his body was found in a river. 

~~~~~

Two pieces of paper were tied to his bokken, one addressed to hijikata, the other addressed to his kids.

His kids note simply said "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you,  it would be better to find a better role model,  because I was never good enough." Kagura ripped the note up and started scream-crying while Shinpachi tried and failed to hold back his own tears while trying to comfort kagura. 

Hijikatas note read "some glue isn't water proof,  it wasn't your fault,  I love you. Help with the kids please,  they must be taking the news bad. This wasn't any of your faults, I simply wasn't good enough. I still love you nonetheless." Hijikata smoked a whole box of cigarrettes while cursing and then later broke down in his room asking himself why he couldnt help gintoki.

If only he had gotten waterproof glue

**Author's Note:**

> see?  
> I am a bad person
> 
> If you want to erase this ending from your mind, I have a smut already posted that you can check out if you catch my drift wink.


End file.
